On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
