Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
