my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
