Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
