Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
