Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
