he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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