i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
