I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
