we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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