Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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