Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
