I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
