allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
