He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm both gender and math confused
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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