someone threw a dead crab at me
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
