I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize