im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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