The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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