you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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