I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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