Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
