a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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