Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize