Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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