my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
