no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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