you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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