chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
