I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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