Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
