He asked me if I "almost moaned"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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