Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
