I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
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