Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
