you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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