Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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