Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
