dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize