I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
