I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
