At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You took a bar mat shot.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
