I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
