theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
