How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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