i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have surprise drugs for everyone
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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