I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
