i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
