I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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