you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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