Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
