so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
