Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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