I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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