No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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