can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
