It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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