Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
