my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
