he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
