someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Best friends brother. Beat that.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
