I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
