what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
