Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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