omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
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