You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
