Cold hands, warm shart.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
