My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
