I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We got so high we made milksteak
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
