Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So squirting runs in the family.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
