She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
