forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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