Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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