i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
