bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
