Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
