So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize