I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
My feet surprised me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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