my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
