I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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