So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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