stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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