Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
