I can tuck mytits in my pants
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
