I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
