And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize