Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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