I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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