Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
