puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
