Pappa wants mamma naked
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
