Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
