Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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