ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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